i know it's really hard for people to restrain themselves from expressing their opinions, but i wonder if they know how hurtful the things they say can be? i also know that people like to put each other in a box and have a hard time when said box no longer fits the occupant. however, the negative reaction makes no sense to me. i'm pretty certain that I'm not the only one who has more than one goal or love or desire, so why is it so hard for others to just live and let live? Today was crazy, i haven't been that nervous in, shit- i don't know when- physically trying to force my hands to steady themselves was impossible- no matter what I told myself, but the fear of putting myself out there has kept me from pursuing my goal for a long time, and i finally had to decide to just say, "fuck it"- i try to live a life that i can look back on and be proud of. i'd rather fall on my face trying, than sit on my couch wondering "what if?" i've never pretended to be anyone other than who I am, i'm no christina aguilera when it comes to vocals- but my voice is mine, my songs are honest and real and my band is fucking awesome. why can't i play records and make my own? what does one have to do with the other? if you don't like it, fine- just keep it moving- let me spend my time thanking those who support me.
so on that note- a thank you to all who tuned in today and made me feel strong enough to go out there, at what usually would be the middle of the night for me, and play a song. i'm not 100% comfortable being on stage..... yet...... but knowing that i had you all to count on made it a whole lot easier. i know sometimes i respond to the haters more than to those who are kind, i suppose i'm not quite at ease with accepting a compliment- but trust me, they all make me smile and let me know that i am doing what i'm supposed to be doing and no-one should have the power to make me hide. i'll quit if/when i decide- and i'll keep dj'ing because I LOVE it and it supports my music habit.... so with that said------ thank you for the love and spread the word!!!! let the haters hate.... themselves.
hope to see some of you at my show tonight in NYC.